Fluttering into the Second Trimester

No meds November has been great so far! It's wonderful not having to get poked every morning and feeling pretty good most of the time. I'm still taking Zofran, and it's working well. I just have to make sure I keep something in my stomach at all times or I get a little queasy. Speaking of keeping food in my stomach, I've had the strangest cravings of all of my pregnancies! I'm craving fruit, broccoli and cauliflower, ice tea with very little sugar, and I'm drinking a lot of water. I rarely drink diet coke anymore. If I do, it's one every day or two. Now, for those of you who know me well - you know of my diet coke addiction, so you know how strange this is! I would easily drink 6 cans a day - or the equivalent in fountain, bottle, or whatever form it came in. It's pretty much all I drank all day long. And I normally HATE water! I only used to be able to drink it during and after a good workout. I'm glad that healthy cravings have come my way, and actually hope that they stick, even after I deliver! I plan on getting serious about getting in good shape next summer, so that would be a great start!

I haven't gained any weight yet. I actually lost some - thanks to Oh-so-icky October. But the belly has popped, and the maternity clothes have had to make their debut. I got some shopping money from the guys and got some new cute outfits, which I'm sure most of the people who have to see me on a daily basis are thankful for! I know they were getting really tired of seeing me in the same 2 pair of pants and 3 shirts that were the only items I had in my closet that would fit me for a few weeks! Will she wear the gray pants with the black shirt? Or the black pants with the gray shirt? Oh, we can't wait to see!!! LOL

I felt the first flutter of movement today! So the babies are ready to make their presence known! I think they are getting excited to show everyone whether they are boys or girls. :) I'm predicting one of each. I am usually right about things, so let's just expect that. ;) We will find out in December.

Next appointment is November 20th, so more info and pictures to come then!

Med Free November!

I know it's been a while since my last blogpost. I suck at blogging. I'm aware. ;) I started to write a couple of posts over the last couple weeks and everything I would type was just depressing, so I would delete it. It was a dark October for the most part as far as the pregnancy goes. I was sick to the point of laying in a dark room and emptying the contents of my stomach about every half hour. It was not pretty. After I could deal with it no longer, I called the doc and was prescribed Zofran, which has helped tremendously with the nausea. Of course then I started having terrible heartburn so I started taking Zantac, which then caused awful constipation, so I started taking fiber pills. I tell ya, I feel like my mother with the small pharmaceutical counter she has going on at her house with all of her ailments and the prescriptions that help her with the side effects of every other prescription she takes. LOL But, I'm happy to report that things are improving!

Last Thursday was my last day for shots! Did you hear me yell Hooray?!?! Cause I yelled it pretty damn loud! It was a glorius day. Then yesterday was my last day for progesterone suppositories. I know what you're thinking - those sound like so much fun! - well, I'm happy to say Adios to those lovely things as well! I felt better today than I have felt in a long time. I have been on hormone overload for the last few months, literally! I'm starting to get my energy back a little too. Not so much feeling like a koala anymore. :) 

The babies have made an appearance, and the baby bump is visible. I'm entering week 12 of the pregnancy now, so the first trimester is ending. This is a picture from the October 23rd doctor visit. The top pic is Baby A and the bottom pic is Baby B. 

They are growing well and measuring right on track for where they are supposed to be. Although the due date is May 16th, Dr. Lepi will schedule the babies for delivery at 36 or 37 weeks, which will be sometime mid-April. 

So, we are off to the second trimester! Marc and Michael are anxiously awaiting the December ultrasound, when they will be able to find out the sex of the babies. :) 

Double the babies, double the nausea!

So....it's twins. How exciting! For Marc and Michael, that is. :) I had a small panic attack/meltdown the day of the big ultrasound. I'm not sure why, because I had a feeling since the day the embryos were placed, that they would both implant and go forth to become little people. I think the starting point to my anxiety might have been the doctor going through the list of all of the complications I might face since I'm carrying twins. I know, they need to let you know all of the possibilities, but hearing it all is a little nerve wracking. I'm subject to a higher chance of gestational diabetes, preterm labor, bed rest, c-section....ugh. You all know how I feel about needles, so how do you think I feel about the possibility of being sliced open and having my organs laid out on a table??? The thought of it seriously makes me ill. So, let's all start thinking at this very moment, and for the next 7 months - heads down babies, heads down!!! I'm going to be visualizing and starting daily meditation with the mantra - heads downnnnnn, heads downnnnn. Hopefully it works!

Another thing the doctor warned me about - you'll probably start showing earlier. Ummm..yeah. I started showing last year when we started talking about the surrogacy, so that's no surprise! Also, more nausea. Well, that has been rearing it's head with an ugly vengeance! I really wasn't sick with my kids. I had a few days where I experienced some mild nausea in the first trimester, but nothing terrible. These little brats have me nauseous all day, every day, and especially when in the car. I should have known that Hammer's kids would start trouble before even entering the world..... I'm hoping they simmer down in the next couple of weeks. I honestly think a lot of the problem is these injections that I still have to get daily until October 31st. The nurse who secretly hates and wants to destroy me increased my dosage, and I think it's hormone overload. I'm avoiding her phone calls. If she calls me for another blood draw, I'm going to tell her to go poke herself.

The due date is May 16th, but the doctor said to expect to go a month or so early, so we are probably looking at April babies. So, think spring when you are picking out adorable little outfits, bows, and headbands for the girls. ;) Although as sick as they are making me - it might just be little men in there. I'm not sure exactly when we will find out for sure, but it's usually around 16-18 weeks, so sometime November/December.

Until next time, I'm off to eat some crackers, drink some hot tea, and take a nap. :)

Is it bedtime???

I know, I haven't blogged for a while, and I'm getting messages from people wondering what's going on. Actually, nothing much is going on.The first trimester is just kicking my ass! I have been thoroughly exhausted. I'm turning into a koala - I think I'm asleep more than I'm awake.
I was laying on the edge of my bed today, looked across my bedroom at the treadmill, and actually laughed out loud. My plan was to get into the practice of running on the treadmill everyday starting last spring, so that when I got pregnant, I could keep that up and stay in better shape throughout the pregnancy. Ha! That theory is long gone!! :) I have a terrible time getting out of bed in the morning, I crash on the couch for a couple of hours by 5pm, and then I'm ready for bed about 10pm, which is very unlike my usual night owl habits.

The blood draw requests continue to flow in, which you all know, irritates me to no end. I've had 3 draws in the past 2 weeks and have to get another Monday. Maybe that's another reason I'm so exhausted - I have no blood left to function! ;) The hcg levels have all been great. The first level was 157, the second level (which they wanted to be at least double that number) was like 1387, and then the third was over 8000, so no trouble there. The problem level is the progesterone level. It was fine on the first measure. Supposed to be 20 or more and it was 21.5. Great! Well, then the weekend after that draw, I was supposed to have med refills delivered to my door. They didn't show. So, my nurse had me do extra suppositories over the weekend, which she said would be fine as far as getting my body the hormones it needed, but would probably make my levels a little low when the next blood draw was done. She said she would make a note of it - no problem. Well, Monday came and....no meds. So, Marc called the company and must have really let them have it because I got a call that day with tons of apologies and the promise that my meds were on their way!! They did arrive the next day, so the injections resumed. But.....the progesterone level was then so off that, you guessed it, they want another blood draw to measure it again and make sure it's back up. Ugh.
After the first trimester full of needles, blood draws, and lots of sleepiness, the second trimester is gonna be a piece of cake!! Speaking of cake, Marc's Aunt Cheryl spoiled me with red velvet cake today, and brought me fudge a couple of weeks ago. Yummm!!!! She's awesome!

Our next step is the ultrasound next Friday. We will find out whether there is one inhabitant or two in this gorgeous uterus. I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little nervous, and will be a little in shock for a while if it ends up being two. I've never done twins before, and I'm old and out of shape. But, we will know soon, and then the therapy can begin! :)

Thanks again for all of the continued support, thoughts, and prayers! You are all awesome! :) Talk to you again in a week!

Baby on Board!

The exciting news is in!! There is at least one baby on board in this gorgeous uterus! :)  We received the news from the bloodwork this morning. The hcg level needed to be above 50 in order to be considered a good positive, and the level was 157! Yay! So, our journey continues to the fun part now!

It has been a very difficult week for me because I can't wait for things. I'm very impatient when it comes to results, so I, of course, did some home pregnancy tests. I got a positive result on Monday. I told the guys, they were excited as well, but we all agreed that we wanted to wait for the blood test to make the news public. Now, I agreed that this was a good idea, BUT, my talent is carrying babies, NOT SECRETS!! So, everytime someone asked, When will you find out?, How do you feel?, etc., I wanted to say - "We're pregnant!!", but I had to keep it in. I told a few close friends because I would have exploded if not! LOL But, I also wanted the guys to be first to announce their news. After all, this is their news to share, and nobody likes a spotlight stealer. :) So, we all had to wait for Marc to get home from overseas today in order to share the great news!

I asked Marc if he wanted to do the blog today to share the results, but he's tired from his long flight.....Awwww, poor baby. :( That trip home from Paris must have been exhausting. I don't know what would be more tiring. Oh, wait! Yes, I do! Ummm, housing a baby or babies in your gorgeous uterus! But, we want to let Marc get his beauty rest, so I'm blogging tonight. ;) Michael, take good care of him and make sure he wakes up refreshed and feeling lovely. ;)

I will have another blood test on Monday, and then another on Wednesday. Don't get me started - you know how I feel about this! But, you've listened to me bitch and moan about the needles enough, so I will not bother you with more complaining on the matter. I do, however, think if a pee stick was good enough to let me know I was having 5 smart, beautiful, wonderful children of my own, it should be good enough for this adventure as well. But, we all know the nurse enjoys making me suffer. So, if you see me walking around town this week all pale and barely able to stand- it's the blood loss. I apologize now if I don't recognize you, but I'm sure I'll be a little lightheaded until I recover.

So, they are looking for the hcg level to double with each test, and they are monitoring the hormone levels from all of the daily shots and suppositories. Yep, I said suppositories, and yep, I said daily. Is it starting to stand out how much these guys owe me for all of this?!?!? LOL

The next big thing I'm curious to get to is the ultrasound that will happen here in a few weeks. We need to find out if there is one or if there are two little critters hanging out with me for the next 9 months. I'm rooting for one, but I know many of you are rooting for two, and I forgive you for that. I forgive you because I've rooted for twins when many of my friends have been pregnant, so I deserve it if it happens to me. :)

I am overwhelmingly happy for my friends. I'm so happy things are working so smoothly and hope they continue to go that way. How crazy is it that we've made it to this point!?!? Wow for science! I can picture how exciting delivery day is going to be and how amazing this is all going to turn out. <3

The Announcement You've Been Waiting For.....

will take place tomorrow night!!! LOL  I had ya excited, didn't I? Sorry, couldn't help myself. I had the blood test this morning, and we should get a call with the news on the hcg level tomorrow sometime, so stay tuned. :)

Papa Guest Blog

So I have been meaning to do this all week and finally found the time tonight to sit down and get all my thoughts together. This is Marc guest blogging this evening to give everyone my perspective on all of this and what has been going on. First, I have to start out by saying THANK YOU to Jenny, Craig and their awesome kids. Obviously none of this would be happening without all of them.

OK, on to why I am here.  I have been getting a lot of questions about what it has been like to go through this process and really how I am feeling and where my head has been through all of this. For any of you that know me well, I hold my emotions pretty close to the vest so typing is probably a lot easier for me than talking, so here it goes! In a nutshell, this has been one of the most confusing, complicated, funny, crazy and emotional things I have ever gone through. But by saying that, lets take a step back to when this all started. Michael and I decided in 2009 we were ready to become parents and started the process to adopt in mid 2010.  After a very bad experience with an "unnamed" adoption agency that we spent nearly a year dealing with that yielded no results, we walked away very discouraged and very angry. We decided at that point we would go at it on our own and try to find a private adoption. Through a former employee that worked for me many years ago in San Diego, we found a mother wanting us to adopt her child. Unfortunately, as you read in Jenny's prior blog, we lost that child. Jenny had approached me shortly before all of that happening and asked if we had ever considered a surrogate.  I said we had but were always OK adopting. She told me then that if we ever decided we wanted to talk about it, she would be willing to look into it with us. So when we got the devastating news about the baby we were going to adopt, within a week, I contacted Jenny and through a lot of education, meetings, attorneys and doctor's visits. (oh let's get the first funny out of the way and not forget to mention the two visits to the sperm bank where you have to make your "deposit" while others are in rooms beside you and you can hear them and the porn they are playing- yeah that's fun and "comfortable") here we are today.

Let me just stop for a second and explain that Jenny and I went to elementary school together until the beginning of sixth grade. We saw each other here and there throughout junior and senior high school then lost touch again until a few years back when we saw each other again at a Light the Night Walk in Dayton, OH. Several of our friends from elementary school were in attendance to support a very special person to all of us (Jared), his family and his daughter who had been diagnosed with Leukemia.  I actually met Craig, for what I thought was the first time that night.  However, Craig and I came to find out that we had met as babies and spent time together as toddlers because our grandparents lived across the street from each other and their children (our parents) were friends. It was that chance reunion that night that allowed Jenny and I to become reunited and what ultimately led us here.

Now to what has been going on the last week or so. EMOTIONAL ROLLER COASTER!  I really am not one to worry very much or get nervous about things but damn, I have to say my stomach has been in knots since we arrived at Ohio Reproductive last Tuesday. The trip to Ohio was going great, we were spending time with family and lots of friends, got to meet Jenny and Craig's children and I really was not thinking about the procedure too much then BAM, it all just hit me sitting there staring at Jenny in her paper towel dress. Side note, she is right, what is with those things and who do they make them for exactly?

But some funny highlights from that day that Jenny didn't share. First, I have to say that Craig has to be one of the most understanding and funniest guys I have ever met. Talk about "go with the flow."  This guy deserves a lot of kudos so I try to give them when I can. So the first funny thing that happened is that Jenny does not like to drink water and the nurse had shared with me exactly when Jenny needed to go to the bathroom and  how much she needed to drink at what time so her bladder was full for the procedure.  So guess who came with water bottle in hand and a schedule of exactly where we would stop for her to go to the bathroom, when she would start drinking her water, etc.  Yeah, this guy - which comes of no surprise to ANYONE.  I know in some way, through those evil dirty looks, she appreciated my nagging!  So when we get to the clinic and they allow us to go back in the room, Jenny starts telling us that they are going to implant the embryos with a catheter.  No sooner does that come out of her mouth, all three of the guys, without thinking, start squirming in their seats and talking about how much they hurt. We go on about this for about 5 minutes before we realize Jenny is starting to panic. We promptly begin to back peddle and explain to her why this hurts WAY worse for a guy versus a girl. As soon as we got her to think about it and how small that hole is that a guy has to pee out of, she relaxed (yes, all women should stop right now and think about that, OUCH).  I also told her that if she did not stop freaking out about it I was going to start questioning Craig's manhood (sorry Craig).  LOL!  Next came the procedure itself. Honestly, it happened so fast that I think we were all in shock!. All this preparation, shots (lots of shots), anxiety and build up and the whole thing was over in less than 10 minutes. Now, I know what most of you are thinking and it has already been said by many of you - yes, I know it took about that long for all of you to make your kids the good old fashioned way (I won't name names of all the women that have said that to me to save the egos of all their husbands, but I have it locked away for when I need a good one liner). However, in this situation, we are watching the whole procedure through the ultrasound screen (which I have to say is just plain amazing to see your kids literally at the most basic phase of their life) and there was 2 small, and I do mean small, flashes on the screen inside the uterus and then that was it. As Jenny said, we were waiting for fireworks, balloons, sparklers, champagne uncorking, just give us SOMETHING!  I mean, really, this has been a long ride! Work with us! So at that point, I had nothing to say except rub Jenny's arm and ask "was it good for you?"  That is all I could come up with and I felt like something needed to be said. Yes, I never change (for all of you that said it under your breath right now). :)

So that pretty much brings it full circle and to today. Oh, except for that feeling of wanting to vomit since we were in the procedure room. It is PARENT WORRY!  Very foreign to me!  So my wise baby machine of a cousin Shala and equally wise baby oven mama Jenny both put it into perspective for me as they were laughing at me...IT NEVER STOPS AND THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING!  What?!  Seriously?!  I am going to be sick to my stomach for the rest of my life because I am worried about my kid(s)?!  Geesh, could someone have mentioned that earlier!  Honestly though, this is going to be the longest 2 weeks of my life. We do not find out for absolute sure that the procedure worked until September 10th.  I am going to have a lot more gray hair by then (and I was doing so good with very little up until now, thank you very much...sigh).  All I can do at this point is stay positive, keep rooting them on to attach and get comfortable in that uterus and keep believing that our grandparents are looking after all of this and being our guardian angels like they have been for Michael and I are whole lives.  Anyone that knows me knows that religion and I have a complicated relationship (Craig and I share this relationship) so praying is not in my nature but believing there is something bigger than all of us that I can talk to is cool with me.  So I have been doing a lot of chatting to whoever or whatever is listening out there in the universe!   And I can not even begin to tell you how much all of the emails, messages, phone calls, texts, and your prayers have meant to us all.

I will end this by saying that small town America gets a bad rap from the gay community and some of it is warranted but most of it is not.  I am so proud of where I came from and the way that my friends and family from that little area of southeastern Ohio have stepped up and supported not only us, but Jenny and Craig.   Jared's wife Janelle said to me in a message "whenever people go through big life events (good or bad) it is imperative that we stick together"  This is so true and I have witnessed this through both their life event and ours.  I want to genuinely thank everyone that has reached out to me from literally every aspect of my life - childhood, high school, college, professional, work and beyond, - for being so amazing and so supportive of all of us.  I will never be able to say thank you enough or in every way I need to, but please know, that it means so much.   Two wonderful things happened from the journey that began that night in Dayton.  Jared's daughter Ally beat her cancer and hopefully Michael and I are going to be given the greatest gift we could ever ask or dream of.  Now we sit back and wait for good news that I know is coming soon!

Money Talks

So, all of the comments that I've gotten thus far have been very positive and supportive, but today I got a couple of good ones. Not so much negative, but not feel-good fuzzy statements either. :) The first was, "So, you're like 40 right?" Me: "Yes, 41" "I didn't even think people that old could still have babies." Seriously? Even if I was thinking it, I wouldn't say it, LOL! But, that's OK - I'm old, I get it. My oldest daughter brought up my age too, but she's a smartass, so I expected that.

The next one was great too. "So, I saw on TV that these surrogates make like $25,000 to $30,000 to do this. So, is that why you decided to do it?" HA!! Marc and Michael - Ummmm, we need to talk!!! I had not watched this TV show prior to this plan. I think we need to discuss.... Call me! ;)

The Waiting Game

So today we went in for the transfer. I think we were all a little nervous, and I was working myself up thinking about the procedure and wondering - Uh Oh, is there an IV involved? Is there bloodwork that needs to be done today? Is Sally going to send me home with more and bigger needles? What does a catheter feel like? Basically- is there any poking that will take place and how terrible will that be? This is another superpower of mine - I am the world's best worrier. I can make a problem out of nothing in record speed. Which is strange, because I also have a very positive outlook on things and try to always look at the bright side. I know, sounds like two different people, but that's me.

We got to the lab and got all checked in. Then we were taken to the transfer room and I was handed my large paper towel and told to undress from the waist down. Why do they give us those big paper towels anyway? Really? It's not covering anything. Guys have to turn their head and cough every now and again, but yearly - we have to put on paper towel blankets and put the feet up in stirrups. Ugh. Sorry - I'm off topic. So, anyway, I cover up with the towel and wait for the doctor. Ok - another complaint about these exams and then we will get back to the transfer. Why is it that they ask you to get naked and sit on this table that has no support, and then you wait so long trying to sit up because you don't want to look eager like all up in the stirrups when they walk in, but you don't wanna lay there with your feet dangling off the end of the table, so your only choice is to kill your back by sitting all hunched over on this table waiting. Sometimes you think about getting up to stretch or something, but you just know that the minute you get up to do that - in the doctor will walk and get a full moon shot. Ok - done venting about doctors, women visits, and paper towels. So, the doc comes in and talks to us about the embryos. We have two Level 1 embryos, which are the best grade and he recommends that we place them both. I'm nervous about this because I envision 2 embryos splitting into 4 embryos and me turning into a blob that can no longer walk. The doctor says that will not happen. He says there is less than a 1% chance that the embryos will split, so the most we are looking at is twins. I proceed to make a deal with the guys that if more than two children are swimming around at Casa de Jenny for 9 months - they will be paying for my lipo suction, tummy tuck, and boob lift (the mommy makeover). They agreed, the doctor witnessed this, and I'm putting it in writing so you all know this is the agreement, and they can't get out of that commitment.

So, we have a discussion about my panic questions and about what will happen during the procedure. I'm put at ease, and it's go time. The doctor inserts a catheter and then sends those two little embryos right into my gorgeous uterus. Let's hope they love the space so much they decide to stay!! :) It only took about 15 minutes and wasn't painful at all. Now it's time to wait and see what happens.

Our nurse, Sally, came in to visit and to listen to me gripe at her about all of the shots and why I have to continue them, and why she's sending me to the vampires 3 TIMES in the next 2 weeks for goodness sakes! I think if I'm with child, I need my blood, but apparently they need it more. Grrrr. So, I am told to go in Thursday to have my progestrone level checked. I said, "Why?" - as any non-needle lover would. I wanna know if this is really necessary, of course. Sally's response - "So that we can see if the shots you've been taking are working." Come again? You mean, I could be poking myself for reasons unknown and this stuff isn't even doing anything? She says she will call and let me know the results. I tell her that she will not want to call me if the verdict is that the shots aren't doing their job. She might want to send that in a letter because there will be four letter words involved. I know how her phone calls go....I see more hormones and needles in my future. Sally thinks I'm a pincushion. I let her get away with this because I really do love her, and I'm keeping the goal in mind. She says I will do a blood draw on September 5th that will tell us if we have a positive pregnancy. Yay!! I know that will be a big Yes! Because I'm thinking positive. My friend, Brooke, told me that I'm supposed to picture the embryos attaching and growing, so I'm visualizing my hardest! So, after we get the positive pregnancy hcg level - we are done with bloodwork, right? Noooooo, now you know better than that!! Ha! Two days later, let's check it again just to be sure that number is doubling. Well, why not? I'm not sure why we can't have faith in the pee stick test. It worked for all of my kids and there was no pain, and a souvenir stick to remember the moment! But, nope, they want my blood. Then, they may need more bloodwork, so I have 2 open-ended lab orders for that nonsense. I sound bitter, I know. I'm full of $#@*ing hormones people, cut me some slack! :)

Marc is trying to complicate things by jaunting off to England next week, while Michael, Craig, and I anxiously await the news of the blood test results. *sigh* So, we're gonna have to wait for world traveler to get his bum back to the states to share the news. Thanks Marc!!! ;)

My instructions are to lay around today and tomorrow letting the embryos sink in and get comfy. So, I've taken a nap and I've watched the entire first season of Walking Dead. Thank goodness for Netflix! :) The nice thing is, Craig has to do everything, and I can sit and laugh at him because he doesn't really know what all needs done and he says - "I've done nothing but run these kids to practices and pick them up tonight!" WELCOME to my world, darling! :) It's fun to torture and punish husbands, because of the entertainment value, of course, and because they really do deserve it.

Thanks again for all of the positive comments, texts, calls, emails, FB messages and posts, etc. that were sent today. It really does mean a lot!! You'll be graced with a guest post from Marc or Michael or both in the next day or two so that they can share the process through their eyes. I'll be laying around here visualizing, resting, and trying to give these embryos the best chance possible to become little people (little person, hopefully - but it feels bad to root for only one of them, right? - I'm a teacher and a mom, I have to root for everyone equally, it's just my nature)

So, news to come on or around September 8th, or whenever Marc's precious ass is back to share the news. Keep sending positive vibes, prayers, thoughts, etc. Love to you all! <3

Twas the night before transfer.....

So, it's the night before the big day. Well - it's actually the morning of the big day. I've felt so positive about this project from the very beginning. I've just had this feeling that it will all go well and run like clockwork. So, I was so surprised to notice that this evening as I started going through the procedure and possibilities in my mind, I started to get very overwhelmed - almost to the point of panic. I think it probably has a little to do with the overload of hormones. The progestrone shots were doubled for the last 3 days before transfer. I think it's also just my normal fear and anxiety coming through. I'm a natural born worrier.

We've spent some time with Marc and Michael over the weekend and I look at them and see the hope and excitement in their faces and hear it in their words. I want this to work so badly and don't want to disappoint them. We have so many people pulling for us and supporting us. Many of those people are following the blog, and I have to say that tonight I read back over all of your comments both here and on facebook and I felt so much better. It just fills me with positive energy and puts a smile on my face.  So, thank you so much for that!!!

We will head off to Columbus tomorrow morning and the procedure will take place at 10:20, so send all of your positive energy our way at that time tomorrow! :) I have to have a full bladder during the procedure...after having had 5 kids. So, can you also send hopeful thoughts that I don't pee all over the doctor. Ugh.

They will talk with us in the morning about how many embryos they recommend that we place. It will be either one or two. We decided that more than that would be too risky and we don't want our own TV show. Well...Michael does, but I don't want to be the Octo-Surrogate. So, we are hoping for one healthy baby - twins at most! The procedure takes about 15 minutes. The lab has been calling Marc daily to let him know how the embryos are progressing. We have 9 embryos, which is awesome!!! They are "graded" according to their viability and we have one that is at the highest grade and many that are good - like B or C students, I guess you would say. So, being a teacher, I say we put that high achiever in there and watch it go! We are really pleased at how everything looks so far.

I've had a few friends and family members tell me they have told their children about the procedure, but it's hard to explain. It definitely is! Marc and Michael got Lily (our 6 year old) a book called The Kangaroo Pouch and it helped a lot. It explained everything at a level that made sense to her. She's been very excited since we shared the book with her, and I'm happy that she is now able to share the experience with us a little better now. If anyone would like to borrow the story, I would be happy to lend it to you. It's geared towards kids her age or younger. Older kids would probably find it too simple, but it was perfect for littler ones.

I will be on bedrest for the next two days after the procedure, and will go in for a blood test on September 5th to see what my hcg levels are and see if we have a positive result. Found out today at dinner that Marc and Michael will not be in the same country on the 5th. Marc will be in England. So, that should be interesting. Skype, maybe??

I'll be keeping this quote in mind tomorrow:
Hope is the companion of power, and mother of success; for who so hopes strongly has within him the gift of miracles. ~Samuel Smiles

Needles Suck

I must say, we have received nothing but support and positive, wonderful comments from everyone on the release of the news of our baby-making journey to the world! It helps more than you know to have so many people pulling for us! I have to tell you that it isn't always smiles and sunshine with this process, and your comments always seem to come at just the time I need them to remind me why we are doing all of this - to bring a sweet little life into the world for two very deserving parents. 

I've been searching for blogs on surrogacy, and it has been so helpful to read the stories of those who have gone through this process and to see that they've been through the same things, felt the same feelings, had the same worries, concerns, joys, etc. It has really helped me cope with all that is going on and all that is to come. So, knowing that someone may stumble onto my blog when doing a search on blogs about surrogacy, I want to be honest and share not only the happy side of this process, but the things that aren't so fun either, so if those people are having the same struggles, they will know they are not alone, and that they will get through it. 

So....the suckish side of all this is needles. I HATE (yes, I'm using the word HATE) needles. I have given birth to 5 children, and of course it's hard work, but I would rather give birth right now than to have bloodwork done. Seriously. I know that sounds silly, but it's true. Needles and I do not get along. I realize this is a mental phobia and something that I should be able to overcome, but that still hasn't happened for me yet. I'm creeped out for hours after having blood drawn. Just thinking about it makes me nauseous. I looked up the technical term for fear of needles, and found out it's called Trypanophobia. I read the defintion, and yep, I'm self-diagnosing myself with this condition. Now, I just need to find a cure.

Anyway, at the beginning of the surrogacy process, I figured there would be a blood draw or two involved- after all,  I've been through this 5 times and suffered the 2 or 3 blood draws required with each pregnancy. And, I figured there might be an injection or two along with the embryo transfer, so I expected SOME needles. I wasn't happy about the idea, but it was expected, and I knew that I could do it. Well...imagine my surprise in July when I go to see my nurse for an appointment at Ohio Reproductive, expecting some news about how my cycles are matching up with the egg donor, finding out if we need to change pills or continue with the same ones, etc., and having her hand me a BOX of needles and medication, along with a folder of instructions. I don't remember much from that visit because my brain went into a state of shock, and I was trying to maintain emotion so that I didn't break down and look like a complete crazy person. I nodded and managed a smile before leaving. Luckily, my husband did most of the talking at that visit because I think he knew I was about to have an episode. We walked out of the office, got to the car, and I cried the entire hour long drive home. I didn't think I could do it. I'm gonna be honest, I wanted out at that very moment. I wanted to pack up and move on. Luckily, my husband remained calm and reminded me why we were doing all of this. He reminded me that the guys are counting on us. He told me to picture the end result, Marc and Michael holding their child in the hospital room and what a happy day that was going to be for all of us. He talked me into surpassing my panic and staying focused on the goal. 

Luckily, I have many friends and relatives who work in the medical field and have experience giving injections. The nurse at Ohio Reproductive showed Craig how to give me the injections. Yea, that's not gonna happen. I need professionals with experience who have been trained. End of story. I'm so blessed that I have many of those people in my lives willing to let me bug them day and night to poke me and put up with me. The medication protocol started with daily shots of Lupron that I had to give myself each morning. I had to inject these into the fatty part of my stomach. I was really nervous about this the first time. I mean, c'mon, I hate needles when other people stick them in me, and you want me to stick myself? Ugh. So, the first attempt at this was probably comical if you were a fly on the wall. I paced in my bathroom holding the syringe full of lupron for about an hour. I would get ready to do it and then couldn't do it - over and over. Finally, I talked myself into doing it, and I was surprised to realize that it didn't hurt that much! I was very proud of myself. I decided that I got this! We are good to go. 

Then, a couple of weeks go by and my nurse calls with instructions for starting the next injection that I'm going to do 2 times per week. One on Monday, and one on Thursday. These ones are intramuscular injections, and will be given in the hip, so these are the ones I need to go to my nurse friends to help me with. I went to my good friend Tammy for that first shot and it hurt, but I got through it, went home and sat on a heating pad for a few, and was good to go. I thought, OK, 2 times a week - I can do this too. I'm feeling much better about things at this point and starting to overcome my fear. I'm actually smiling and pleasant and not apprehensive when I have my friends do these injections anymore. 

Then this week hit. My nurse calls. I'm starting to hate that phone number and I'm starting to call her nasty things when I hang up the phone. I no longer like her very much. She always has bad news about more needles. So, she tells me we have to now start daily injections each morning of another hormone. We have to continue the shots on M/Th as well so there are days that I will receive 2 injections. Yay! Alright, my patience is thinning, but I'll give it a go. I mean, I've done well so far, right? So, Wednesday I start on these AM shots. My school nurse gives me the shot, and it's fine. Doesn't bother me too much. It leaves a little more of a kind of knotish feeling that I need to rub a little for the next hour or so, but the pain goes away pretty quickly. So, yeah, it's annoying that it's daily, but I can do this too I think. One day at a time. 

Yesterday was the day before our kid's first day of school. So much to do, getting bookbags ready, last minute shopping trip to get the things we forgot, getting everyone ready and in bed, excitement, etc. Then about 11pm it hits me - I had my school nurse do the morning shot, but I didn't do the M/Th pm shot. Completely forgot about it! So, my nurse has always told me just let her know first thing in the morning if there is a hiccup and we will get it fixed, no worries. So, I call her this morning and she says, no big deal, just get that shot this morning along with your other am shot. OK. So, I go to find my school nurse for my injections and she's not at school yet. Well, the kids are arriving soon, I have to get this done in the morning. What am I going to do? Well, there is someone who can do them for me. I'm not going to name names or even describe who it is because I'm sure she's a lovely person, but she will never come near me with a needle ever, ever, ever again. So, this person proceeds to give me my injections. One injection site bleeds so much afterwards that I need a papertowel to clean up the blood. That has never happened to me before. I usually don't even need a bandaid on the site. The other injection site doesn't bleed, but hurts terribly when she gives it. I check later in the day in the bathroom mirror to see that on each hip I have about a 3 inch wide black and blue bruise from these injections and they are sore! Then, that lady I'm starting to not like anymore calls me again after school for more instructions. Since the egg retrieval was yesterday and we are nearing the transfer, we need to up the hormone dosage. Yep, we all know what that means - more shots. Grrrrrrr. So, now she wants me to get an am and pm shot every day, plus continue the M/Th shot. She's pushing my limits. So, I whine to her about my bruised hips, she feels badly I can tell, and she's earning her money dealing with me already because I'm no picnic I'm sure. I'm never happy to hear from her. I bitch and moan everytime she gives me instructions. But, she's trying to be understanding, and I agree to try to be a good sport. So, that's where we are now. I get 2 injections each day starting tomorrow in my already bruised hips. Poor Debbie gets to give me my injections tomorrow. I'm going to buy my injection friends all gifts when this is over because they deserve them, let me tell ya! I'm grateful to have them, because they make this part of my journey bearable. 

I'm looking forward to the end of shots and the beginning of carrying a perfect little bundle of joy for my friends. One shot at a time is my new mantra, and I'm making it through. I might be a little grouchy and aggitated (that might also be all the extra hormones) but, I WILL make it through! I have friends who have battled infertility and who have gone through countless blood draws, injections, tests, etc. and I have such an appreciation now for what they went through. Needles suck. :( 

A New Adventure

I've decided to start a blog to share the details of an exciting new experience that my family and I are part of. I think it will make it easier to share the details of this journey with our family and friends, and with the family and friends of Marc and Michael, our partners in this new adventure. 

I am going to be a gestational carrier for two dear friends who are eager to become parents. So, to answer your first question - What is a gestational carrier? 

A gestational surrogate (or gestational carrier) is not genetically related to the child she carries. Gestational surrogacy is also called IVF surrogacy, host surrogacy or full surrogacy. In gestational surrogacy, the egg and sperm are taken from the intended parents, or donors, and through IVF procedure the resulting embryo is transferred to the gestational surrogate. 

The next question I'm sure you're wondering is - Why/How did you decide to do this? 
Well, first the Why.....I love being a mother! It's the role in my life that I am most proud of, that I feel most blessed to be able to do, and that I would feel absolutely incomplete without. I've seen friends struggle with infertility issues and have seen friends struggle through complex and difficult adoptions. It breaks my heart to see wonderful people who would be amazing parents, unable to realize that dream. I'm good at having babies. I've done it 5 times with no complications, with 5 beautiful results. I actually enjoy being pregnant. I love being a part of bringing new life into the world. To be able to help friends that I love realize the dream of becoming parents, with my help, is such an amazing idea to me. 

Now for the How.....I've known Marc since elementary school, and I know many members of his family, who live in my small community. I think he's a great guy! A little over a year ago I was so excited for Marc and his husband, Michael, who were expecting a baby through a private adoption. They were over the moon happy and ready to become fathers, and then they received the devastating news that the mother had suffered a miscarriage and lost the baby. I knew how much they wanted a child, and even though at the time, I didn't know Michael well, I knew Marc enough to know that he would be a wonderful father, and that whoever he chose to share his life with would be a great father as well. He has good taste. :) As I got to know Michael a little more, I fell in love with him as well. He is funny, sweet, and devastatingly handsome. :) So, we started to do some research into surrogacy - what was involved, how does it work, was I even in good enough condition healthwise to do it, etc., Craig and I discussed and decided that this could be a great opportunity to help friends that we love realize their dream of becoming parents, and that we were interested in going forward. So, after doctor visits, psychological screening (yep, I passed! ), lots of paperwork, and many open and honest discussions with the guys, we started the process. 

So - now that you know what we're doing, and how and why we are doing it, I'll give you a quick catch up of where we have come since we started and where we are in the process now. We started back in the Spring of 2012 figuring out insurance, talking to lawyers about how to write up a contract, seeing doctors, getting tests done, etc. Then in December 2012 we finally got to the stage of visiting the Ohio Reproductive Clinic. We met with our doctors, I found out that I have a "gorgeous uterus" - yes, the doctor's exact words, I kid you not. (See, I told you, this is my superpower) I started working to coordinate my cycle with the egg donors cycle, and then this summer when that was completed, I started on medication to stop my egg production, as well as hormones to help prepare my uterus. So...that's where we are now! 

I got the call today from my nurse letting me know that the egg retrieval with our donor will be taking place on Thursday, and the embryo transfer will take place next Tuesday. So, we are very excited, very nervous, and very eager to see what the near future holds.

I'll do some flashbacks in future posts to let you know more details about our steps along the way, and to answer the many questions that I'm sure I'll get. But, I wanted this first post to introduce our family and friends to the process, to invite you to join us by following along in our journey, and to celebrate with us when the big day arrives!! I can't wait to see the joy in the faces of my friends when they look at their newborn child for the first time. It's going to be incredible!

Thank you to all of our wonderful family and friends for your support, love, and positive thoughts. Also, a big thank you to my nurse friends who have agreed to give me shots at all hours of the day, even when I'm not always the best patient, and to all of you who will be there for us all along the way. We will need you, and we appreciate you!