Papa Guest Blog

So I have been meaning to do this all week and finally found the time tonight to sit down and get all my thoughts together. This is Marc guest blogging this evening to give everyone my perspective on all of this and what has been going on. First, I have to start out by saying THANK YOU to Jenny, Craig and their awesome kids. Obviously none of this would be happening without all of them.

OK, on to why I am here.  I have been getting a lot of questions about what it has been like to go through this process and really how I am feeling and where my head has been through all of this. For any of you that know me well, I hold my emotions pretty close to the vest so typing is probably a lot easier for me than talking, so here it goes! In a nutshell, this has been one of the most confusing, complicated, funny, crazy and emotional things I have ever gone through. But by saying that, lets take a step back to when this all started. Michael and I decided in 2009 we were ready to become parents and started the process to adopt in mid 2010.  After a very bad experience with an "unnamed" adoption agency that we spent nearly a year dealing with that yielded no results, we walked away very discouraged and very angry. We decided at that point we would go at it on our own and try to find a private adoption. Through a former employee that worked for me many years ago in San Diego, we found a mother wanting us to adopt her child. Unfortunately, as you read in Jenny's prior blog, we lost that child. Jenny had approached me shortly before all of that happening and asked if we had ever considered a surrogate.  I said we had but were always OK adopting. She told me then that if we ever decided we wanted to talk about it, she would be willing to look into it with us. So when we got the devastating news about the baby we were going to adopt, within a week, I contacted Jenny and through a lot of education, meetings, attorneys and doctor's visits. (oh let's get the first funny out of the way and not forget to mention the two visits to the sperm bank where you have to make your "deposit" while others are in rooms beside you and you can hear them and the porn they are playing- yeah that's fun and "comfortable") here we are today.

Let me just stop for a second and explain that Jenny and I went to elementary school together until the beginning of sixth grade. We saw each other here and there throughout junior and senior high school then lost touch again until a few years back when we saw each other again at a Light the Night Walk in Dayton, OH. Several of our friends from elementary school were in attendance to support a very special person to all of us (Jared), his family and his daughter who had been diagnosed with Leukemia.  I actually met Craig, for what I thought was the first time that night.  However, Craig and I came to find out that we had met as babies and spent time together as toddlers because our grandparents lived across the street from each other and their children (our parents) were friends. It was that chance reunion that night that allowed Jenny and I to become reunited and what ultimately led us here.

Now to what has been going on the last week or so. EMOTIONAL ROLLER COASTER!  I really am not one to worry very much or get nervous about things but damn, I have to say my stomach has been in knots since we arrived at Ohio Reproductive last Tuesday. The trip to Ohio was going great, we were spending time with family and lots of friends, got to meet Jenny and Craig's children and I really was not thinking about the procedure too much then BAM, it all just hit me sitting there staring at Jenny in her paper towel dress. Side note, she is right, what is with those things and who do they make them for exactly?

But some funny highlights from that day that Jenny didn't share. First, I have to say that Craig has to be one of the most understanding and funniest guys I have ever met. Talk about "go with the flow."  This guy deserves a lot of kudos so I try to give them when I can. So the first funny thing that happened is that Jenny does not like to drink water and the nurse had shared with me exactly when Jenny needed to go to the bathroom and  how much she needed to drink at what time so her bladder was full for the procedure.  So guess who came with water bottle in hand and a schedule of exactly where we would stop for her to go to the bathroom, when she would start drinking her water, etc.  Yeah, this guy - which comes of no surprise to ANYONE.  I know in some way, through those evil dirty looks, she appreciated my nagging!  So when we get to the clinic and they allow us to go back in the room, Jenny starts telling us that they are going to implant the embryos with a catheter.  No sooner does that come out of her mouth, all three of the guys, without thinking, start squirming in their seats and talking about how much they hurt. We go on about this for about 5 minutes before we realize Jenny is starting to panic. We promptly begin to back peddle and explain to her why this hurts WAY worse for a guy versus a girl. As soon as we got her to think about it and how small that hole is that a guy has to pee out of, she relaxed (yes, all women should stop right now and think about that, OUCH).  I also told her that if she did not stop freaking out about it I was going to start questioning Craig's manhood (sorry Craig).  LOL!  Next came the procedure itself. Honestly, it happened so fast that I think we were all in shock!. All this preparation, shots (lots of shots), anxiety and build up and the whole thing was over in less than 10 minutes. Now, I know what most of you are thinking and it has already been said by many of you - yes, I know it took about that long for all of you to make your kids the good old fashioned way (I won't name names of all the women that have said that to me to save the egos of all their husbands, but I have it locked away for when I need a good one liner). However, in this situation, we are watching the whole procedure through the ultrasound screen (which I have to say is just plain amazing to see your kids literally at the most basic phase of their life) and there was 2 small, and I do mean small, flashes on the screen inside the uterus and then that was it. As Jenny said, we were waiting for fireworks, balloons, sparklers, champagne uncorking, just give us SOMETHING!  I mean, really, this has been a long ride! Work with us! So at that point, I had nothing to say except rub Jenny's arm and ask "was it good for you?"  That is all I could come up with and I felt like something needed to be said. Yes, I never change (for all of you that said it under your breath right now). :)

So that pretty much brings it full circle and to today. Oh, except for that feeling of wanting to vomit since we were in the procedure room. It is PARENT WORRY!  Very foreign to me!  So my wise baby machine of a cousin Shala and equally wise baby oven mama Jenny both put it into perspective for me as they were laughing at me...IT NEVER STOPS AND THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING!  What?!  Seriously?!  I am going to be sick to my stomach for the rest of my life because I am worried about my kid(s)?!  Geesh, could someone have mentioned that earlier!  Honestly though, this is going to be the longest 2 weeks of my life. We do not find out for absolute sure that the procedure worked until September 10th.  I am going to have a lot more gray hair by then (and I was doing so good with very little up until now, thank you very much...sigh).  All I can do at this point is stay positive, keep rooting them on to attach and get comfortable in that uterus and keep believing that our grandparents are looking after all of this and being our guardian angels like they have been for Michael and I are whole lives.  Anyone that knows me knows that religion and I have a complicated relationship (Craig and I share this relationship) so praying is not in my nature but believing there is something bigger than all of us that I can talk to is cool with me.  So I have been doing a lot of chatting to whoever or whatever is listening out there in the universe!   And I can not even begin to tell you how much all of the emails, messages, phone calls, texts, and your prayers have meant to us all.

I will end this by saying that small town America gets a bad rap from the gay community and some of it is warranted but most of it is not.  I am so proud of where I came from and the way that my friends and family from that little area of southeastern Ohio have stepped up and supported not only us, but Jenny and Craig.   Jared's wife Janelle said to me in a message "whenever people go through big life events (good or bad) it is imperative that we stick together"  This is so true and I have witnessed this through both their life event and ours.  I want to genuinely thank everyone that has reached out to me from literally every aspect of my life - childhood, high school, college, professional, work and beyond, - for being so amazing and so supportive of all of us.  I will never be able to say thank you enough or in every way I need to, but please know, that it means so much.   Two wonderful things happened from the journey that began that night in Dayton.  Jared's daughter Ally beat her cancer and hopefully Michael and I are going to be given the greatest gift we could ever ask or dream of.  Now we sit back and wait for good news that I know is coming soon!