Mission Impossible

The important update info:

The monitoring went well at the hospital today. Heartbeats are strong, and the girls are both very active. Ultrasound showed that they are both head down still, and growing perfectly. :)

This next section of the blog may be TMI for many people - so beware, you may read about things you don't wish to know about if you proceed. I want to give an accurate description of this experience though, so I'm sharing it all:

My OB appointments every week now include a vaginal exam to check the cervix and see if there is any dilation. So, as we ladies know - this means you get naked from the waist down and sit on a roll of paper on the exam table with a big paper towel across your lap, waiting for the doctor to come in. Now, if the doctor is pretty quick getting into the room, no problems, but....if the doctor takes a while, many issues can occur. If there is a camera in that room, let me tell you - the people watching that feed are laughing hysterically each time I'm in there waiting for very long. It starts out fine for a couple of minutes, but then my feet dangling off the end of the exam table start to bother me. My calves and feet are both pretty swollen now, and dangling doesn't help - so I have to pull out that little shelf thing at the end of the table to put my feet up on. Now I'm sitting straight up with my legs in front of me. This is ok for a minute or two, then it's very uncomfortable. So, I decide I need to lay back. Well, the table is flat, so my boobs and gravity pair up and start to keep me from breathing freely and I need to bring the back of the table up a little so I'm laying at an incline. In order to do this, I'm going to need to get off the table and use the little footpedal thing to incline the table. This is a gamble because the doctor could walk in at any minute, and if he does while I'm working the footpedal thing, then my ass is in full view. I decide it's worth risking and I'll hurry. So, I get off the table, but now- stuck to my behind- is the paper I was sitting on, that is now tearing as I get down. So now I have to quickly throw away that paper, pull a new piece down the table from the top, get the footpedal thing fixed to incline the table, and jump back up there. Whew! I made it.
Then, sitting in my purse in the chair across the room, I hear my phone beep- I have a text. I forgot to silence it, which I'm concerned about because that's going to be embarrasing if it rings during my exam, and now I'm a little worried that I need to check the text because it could be one of my kids (anxiety issues). I think to myself, it can wait. Then 5 minutes go by and it beeps again. Another text. Now my anxiety is getting the best of me, and I'm gonna have to make a run for it, hoping that the doctor doesn't come in as I streak across the room. So, I jump down, and guess what happened again? Right...the paper! So, I fix the paper..again. Get my phone and check it quickly, silence it, and get back up on the table. If Caren, Cathy, and Jami (who work at the office) are reading this, I'm sure if there isn't a camera already installed, you are going to get one installed now. ;) Anyway, doc finally arrived, and we are in business. What we women go through...men have no idea!

The mission impossible is this: I have developed hemorrhoids that are pretty bad. I know, you don't want to know this, but I warned you up above. It's part of the experience, so you get to hear about it. Doc tells me that I need to "watch" them to see if they get worse or change in color because they might thrombos, which could cause a blood clot, so it would need to be lanced. This all sounds quite terrible, and I'm hoping that it shrinks and goes away with the meds he gave me to try, but what I find amusing is the fact that I'm to "watch" this for changes. I can't see anything past my stomach! I certainly cannot see that area of my body. I came home and tried using a mirror to check it out. Ummmm, not successful. So...looks like I'm going to have to depend on my loving husband to help with this awful task. How embarassing! Ugh. Oh...the joys of twin pregnancy.

Let's hope next week's visit is much less eventful. :) Two more weeks people, two weeks!!