Perfect Little Princesses

I went to Atlanta to visit Marc, Michael, and the girls for a week and had an amazing time! I'll start by saying that Kate and Eliza are absolutely gorgeous and are just the sweetest babies! They have cute little personalities already and are a joy to spend time with.

Miss Kate has a very spunky personality and makes the funniest faces! She appears to be able to take on the world, and has a confidence to her already, even at 2 months old. Her eyes are big and expressive and she loves to be up looking around at everything going on. She is going to be the comic relief in the house. She made me laugh every day! She is also the big eater of the two. She downs her bottles and waits for more! She slept pretty well most nights that I was there. She would get up once in the middle of the night for a bottle, but went right back to sleep until morning. She's more of a light sleeper and grunts and moves around a little more than her sister during the night, but still slept really well, especially for being only 10 weeks old.
Eliza Jane has a very sweet and soft personality and just smiles all the time! She seems to be the more innocent and vulnerable type, even though we know how tough and strong she really is just by the way she entered the world! Her baby browns just pull you in and you find yourself willing to do anything she wants. She likes to coo and makes the sweetest little noises. She will definitely steal the hearts of many! Although she started out weighing the most at birth, she has fallen a little behind Kate since she isn't so much into eating. She takes her sweet time getting through a bottle. She was sleeping through the night most of the evenings that I was there visiting. She's a very peaceful sleeper and doesn't make a sound, which made this worrier get up and check to make sure she was breathing about every hour when I was on night patrol. :)
The girls both loved to play on their little baby gym mat every day and would kick and bat at the toys happily. They really like going outside! They go on a walk every morning in the stroller in their beautiful neighborhood. It's gorgeous - lots of trees and flowers, and all of the neighbors were as friendly as could be. If they ever got fussy, you could take them outside, and they were immediately happy again. I, on the other hand, almost burst into flame from the heat, but I'm glad these little Georgia peaches are happy with the climate they live in. :)
Marc and Michael have the girls on a routine that works well for everyone. They are far more organized than I ever was with my kids! The girls ate on a pretty set schedule and had a bath every night, followed by bedtime. They are so funny in the bath! They kick and splash and enjoy the water more than any babies I've ever seen! However, they do not appreciate being taken out of the bath! They protest loudly every night when that time comes. They have the cutest room - a blue sky with clouds is painted on the ceiling, pretty pink bedding in a beautiful white crib, a pastel green rocking chair, and their names in cute letters that their aunt and cousin made them on little shelves, along with precious mementos like Marc's grandparent's baby shoes and Michael's sock monkey from his childhood. Perfect for two little princesses!

They have some pretty cool items that weren't around when my kids were babies. They have what is basically a baby bottle Keurig. You just put a bottle under it - press a button for how many ounces you want, and viola! Any mother who has had to make a bottle under the pressure of a screaming child - trying to measure out powder, mix it, warm the water to the right temperature, etc. will appreciate how wonderful this invention is! Amazing.
Marc and Michael have a beautiful home, and live in a really nice area. It doesn't feel like a big city at all where they are located. There are lots of people out walking, jogging, riding bikes, etc. and it almost looks like it's inside a little forest with lots of pretty trees, a little creek, gorgeous flowers. We met several of their friends and they were so welcoming and hospitable. I fell in love with all of them, and can't wait to see them again. They are some of the nicest, funniest, and sweetest people I've met. I also have to say one of the best looking groups of people I've ever spent time with too! I need to get myself in shape before going back because this is one beautiful group of people! It was quite a pleasure to spend time with them. :)
The guys made us feel very much at home. Marc made a delicious meal each night, and we went to two parties with delicious food and drinks too. Marc kept his promise on making me some margaritas, and I had at least one every night I think. :)
I can't tell you how much I loved seeing the guys interact with Kate and Eliza. They are so obviously head over heels over these girls. They are two of the best fathers in the world. I'm so happy that I was able to help them become parents because they are incredible at it.
I had a pretty emotional departure on Monday. It was really difficult leaving, knowing that it will be a while before I see them again. They are growing so quickly right now, and I hate the thought of not being there to witness it. I have a special bond with them that will never be broken, and I'll love them always. It was a magical week getting to kiss on them and spoil them all week. I hated that it had to end, and am so grateful that the guys invited me into their home to share this special time with the girls. I did miss my own babies at home terribly though, and was glad to get back to them.

I have reminded Marc that he and Michael are supposed to be writing a blog post sharing the experience of bringing the girls into the world from their point of view, and updating us occasionally to let us know how the girls are doing, and how they are handling parenthood. He says they are "busy". I'm not sure why he thinks that. Really, these girls are so sweet, they basically take care of themselves. Maybe someday they will find the time.... ;)

The week after

I really appreciate all of the well wishes and prayers that were sent my way the week after the babies arrived, when I was admitted back into the hospital for some post delivery issues. I had something called HELLP Syndrome. I had never heard of it before, and never experienced any of these issues with past pregnancies. Below are the details of the syndrome, copied from healthline.com.

HELLP syndrome is a condition that can develop in pregnant women. It includes:

• hemolysis
• EL: elevated liver enzymes
• LP: a low platelet count

Hemolysis refers to a breakdown of red blood cells. Specifically, red blood cells get broken down earlier than normal. Hemolysis can lead to anemia, a condition in which your blood does not have enough oxygen to supply your body.

Elevated liver enzymes indicate that your liver is functioning poorly. When liver cells are inflamed or injured, they leak abnormally high amounts of certain chemicals, including enzymes, into your blood.

Platelets are part of the blood that helps it clot. When they are low, you are at risk for excess bleeding.

HELLP syndrome usually occurs in the last trimester of pregnancy, before the 37th week. It is a major health concern because it can be fatal to both mother and unborn baby. Prompt treatment and delivery of the baby are generally required for the best outcome. However, about a third of HELLP cases occur after the baby is born in the first week after delivery (Padden, 1999).The syndrome’s cause is unknown. Some experts believe it is related to preeclampsia, another pregnancy complication, which causes high blood pressure.

When I left the hospital the Sunday after the girls were born, I had instructions to call the doctor's office every day to report my blood pressure, because it had been elevated throughout the last couple weeks of pregnancy, and I still had a lot of edema in my lower legs and feet. When I called the doctor's office on Wednesday, the blood pressure wasn't getting any better, the swelling was worse, and I had started to show other symptoms that concerned Dr. Lepi, so he told me to come in that day to see him. After seeing me in the office, he gave me a baby aspirin and sent me straight to the hospital to be admitted and ordered an MRI, CT scan, EKG, and bloodwork. Needless to say, I had a couple of panic attacks that day. Thank goodness for Craig, Xanax, and Dilaudid - all of which helped tremendously. :) I was put on a magnesium drip to keep me from having seizures, which created terrible headaches, so I was kept on Dilaudid for most of Wednesday and Thursday to help with pain. I was on blood pressure meds when I was admitted, but they were increased from 100mg twice daily to 400 mg. twice daily while trying to get it under control. Luckily, my bloodwork showed improvement each time it was taken, and my edema started to get better by Friday evening. I was on a wonderful liquid diet since there was a risk of seizures and aspiration - so the plus side of my hospital stay was that it was a great weight loss starter! I've lost 45 pounds since April 25th! Not the way I would recommend losing it, but a good start anyway. :) Dr. Lepi had promised me that he would do his best to get me out of there by Saturday afternoon, so that I could be home to see Lauryn go to her Senior Prom. Luckily, my bloodwork and edema looked a lot better, and although my blood pressure wasn't back to normal, it was going in the right direction. I left with orders to take it easy for a while, get lots of rest, and call every other day with blood pressure readings. So...I went home and helped Lauryn get ready for Prom, went and took pictures, and sat and watched the kids all go in on the red carpet. After that - I DID rest! 

When I took my blood pressure the Monday after prom, it was still pretty high, and I was nervous to call the doctor's office. When Jami answered, I told her, "I'm going to tell you the truth about what my blood pressure is, but tell him I'm not coming in!" Thank goodness, he expected it to take time to go down, so he didn't need to see me. I really love the staff at Dr. Lepi's office, and I love the nurses and staff at Genesis, but I didn't want to see them again so soon. My blood pressure has continued to get better and I'm now down to 200 mg of medicine twice a day. Hopefully, I will be off of it by the time I have my six week check up. I'm still napping a lot throughout the day, and have a little cramping still, but I feel worlds better! Craig has been a fantastic home health nurse and has spoiled me quite a bit getting me back to good health. I plan to keep nursing that as long as possible. 

I've gotten questions about how the girls are doing and how Marc and Michael are doing with them. The girls saw their pediatrician in Atlanta and they are doing excellent! They are gaining weight and are healthy and strong. Michael had a bout of illness a few days after they returned home and was quarantined away from the babies for about a week, so Marc got to experience parenthood by himself with newborn twins for several days. He was exhausted, but got through it! Now, they are both back in the game and are both exhausted. :) They are head over heels in love, of course! You've seen these beauties, right??? How could you not fall in love with them?!? Every time I get a new picture of them I think - I have got to get a plane ticket right now and go see them! I miss them! Which leads to the next question I've gotten a lot - How do you feel now that they are in Atlanta? 

I am emotional, and I've always been a crier. I cry at commercials, TV shows and movies, songs, when I read inspirational quotes, when my students leave on the last day of school, when I think about my kids growing up too fast, etc. Really, I cry at anything that makes me sad, mad, anxious, or really happy. So, I had a few crying spells during the first days after the girls were born. They were happy tears, full of emotion seeing that this journey had ended with two amazing little girls in the arms of two amazing men, and because I was so grateful to have the support of a loving husband, family, and friends through it all. It was an emotionally overwhelming event overall. I did have a pretty difficult morning the Wednesday after they were born. It was a combination of things. I still wasn't feeling great (that's the afternoon I was re-admitted to the hospital), the hormones were still all out of whack, Craig had returned to work and the girls were at school so I was home alone, the excitement of everything was over and it was that let down kind of like the blues after you get back from a great vacation, and I knew they were leaving Thursday and I wouldn't get to see them again for a while. You know how you have those friends or relatives that live far away and come for a visit- then when they leave, everyone cries because you won't see each other for a while again, and you know you'll miss them. It's that feeling, amplified with post-partum hormones. We also have those relatives that make us cry when they arrive to visit, but that's a different emotion altogether. ;) 

Other than that small breakdown, I haven't had any real emotional issues. However, I have plenty of other things to be an emotional mess about. I'm terribly torn up over the fact that Lauryn is graduating and Lily is turning 7 both on the same day -May 31st. They truly grow up way too fast! I will be a mess at graduation. I'm looking for a super duper waterproof mascara, so if anyone has any suggestions, please let me know! I'm thinking maybe sunglasses are the way to go, actually. 

I will continue to update the blog periodically. If you have any questions, let me know. I know that Marc and Michael have plans to do some posts soon. I don't know what's taking them so long. ;) I'm sure those angelic girls aren't keeping them too busy. 

The surrogacy journey is over, and I'll always treasure the time the girls spent with me, close to my heart. But a new journey is just beginning for Kate and Eliza and their Daddy and Papa. I look forward to watching them grow up, seeing their personalities emerge, and listening to the stories Marc and Michael will have to tell. Our families will forever share a bond, and we will always treasure that special connection. 

The arrival of Miss Kate and Miss Eliza

It's been a little over a week since the twins made their entry into the world. My intention was to complete a blog post right after being released from the hospital, but apparently my body wasn't ready to bounce back and needed a few more days in the hospital to recoup. So, now to play catch up.

We checked into the delivery suite a little after 6am Friday morning (you know I'm always running late!) I was hooked up to all kinds of monitors, and the pitocin drip began. Craig started a twitter feed to keep everyone up to date on how things were progressing. He had quite a following! After a couple of hours, with the drip being turned up periodically, my wonderful labor and delivery nurse gave me something called Nubain to help with pain until the epidural could be administered. If I could order this stuff by the case....wow! So, I napped while we waited for my contractions to do their job.

Everyone was pretty patient while we waited. Daddy and Papa took turns updating people in the waiting room (I'm pretty sure every seat in the waiting room was full with family waiting to meet these little girls - they sure were loved even before they were born!) Even though I was in and out while on pain meds, I did hear some comments about my snoring and how it should be videotaped. I'm grateful to see that no video has made an appearance, at least to my knowledge. :)

On one occassion, Dr. Lepi came in to check how much I had dilated. He whipped back the sheet and proceeded to check with no warning, and I thought poor Marc and Michael's necks might have just snapped right off as quickly as they turned and focused as hard as they could on the TV above our heads. It was quite comical. After Dr. Lepi left the room, I said, "I hope you didn't look directly at it - you'll be scarred for life." Poor guys......

So, after about 12 hours I believe, we headed to the OR to get ready for delivery. I'm not sure on exact timing. I was a little busy. :) We had to deliver in the OR just in case twin B (Eliza) decided to flip after twin A (Kate) was delivered. Dr. Lepi is a little strict in his OR and only wanted one person to be with me in the room during delivery. I decided that Craig should be there since I have tendency to panic in medical situations, and knew that if Eliza flipped and a C-section needed to happen, or if anything had gone wrong, I would need him there to keep me calm and focused. I was very nervous going in since twins was a new experience, and Craig was awesome at keeping me positive and relaxed. I'm good at having babies, and he's good at supporting me through pregnancy and delivery. We make a good team.

Luckily, we had some wonderful nurses who were able to sneak Marc and Michael in to the back of the OR so that they could see the girls right when they were born. I have to say the entire staff at Genesis was amazing- Dr. Lepi, the nurses, the anesthesiologist -everyone! The labor and delivery nurse was absolutely wonderful, and stayed with me throughout the day, even though she ended up being there a little over an hour over the time she was supposed to go home. It makes such a big difference to have great people caring for you!

So, after being prepped and ready to push, I think it was 3 cycles of counting to ten 3 times to bring Kate into the world. She was face up, so she took a little extra work. She was checked out and doing well, and Miss Eliza slid into place head down. The only complication was that she was face up also, making her delivery challenging as well. She took a little longer, I think it may have been 5 cycles of counting for her to make her appearance. There were about 25 minutes between the deliveries of the girls. Eliza decided to scare everyone just a little upon arrival and came out a little banged up with a black eye and some bruising. She also had a little trouble breathing and had to have some oxygen. An alarm went off in the back of the delivery room while they were working with her, which is never something you want to hear. Luckily, she perked up and was fine after receiving a little tender loving care in the NICU overnight.

After the babies were delivered, the epidural had worn off, but the placenta still needed to be delivered. Problem is, everything started to contract before the placenta was delivered, so Dr. Lepi had to work to get it delivered, which basically means he was pushing down as hard as possible at the top of my abdomen, while reaching inside to pull the placenta out. It was not at all pleasant, and hands down, the worst part of delivery.

After delivery, I visited with my girls for a little bit, they went home with their grandma and grandpa, I took a quick shower, and Craig went and picked us up chicken parmesan and meatball subs from Picnic Pizza - Heaven!! It tasted incredible! I love Picnic Pizza on any occassion, but after you haven't eaten for an entire day - any food you eat tastes amazing.

April 25th started out with a waiting room full of excited and anxious people, a community of facebook and twitter friends, and a delivery room with 4 lifelong friends ready to make a dream come true. It ended with 2 beautiful new baby girls, lots of smiles and happy tears, and a day too memorable to ever forget. Thank you for sharing our journey. <3

~ I'll do an entry on the events after delivery later this week~

Coaches Entry: Post Delivery

Oh my, where do I start...
Well, my name is Craig. I may have been mentioned before in this blog, or you may know me. If you don't, I am Jenny's lesser half/husband. She suggested that I make an entry in her blog. I'm not sure why because she has seen my level of writing, and as a teacher she has never been impressed.

Now that the introductions are done, I guess I'll start from the beginning and give my perspective. I met Marc during a Light the Night event in Dayton for a mutual friend's daughter who was going through treatments for Leukemia. He was introduced to me by my wife as an old friend who she went to school with, but had moved away before I returned from Florida. He seemed like an alright guy. I met him again briefly during our class reunion/fund raiser for Ally's Army. It seemed that old friendships were rekindled between Marc and Jenny though Facebook. As you may know, Jenny is very thorough when talking to friends and usually digs to know everything about you and your story. (I am often under scrutiny from her when I talk to friends because I seldom ask "important" questions that I feel aren't much of my business.) With that said, she knew everything there was to know about Marc and Michael's journey, including their efforts to become parents. She vaguely told me some of the details from time to time. At some point she told me of their attempts for adoption, and that it did not work out. Not long after this I remember her coming to me and asking my opinion about the possibility of her doing a surrogacy for Marc and Micheal. I said "that sounds okay I guess" and away we went...

During the early stages of the process, I wasn't included in all of the details, but I was kept in the loop enough to be able to say that I knew what was going on. I was finally able to meet Michael at a meet and greet dinner arranged by Jenny and Marc, while they were in town taking care of some of the details at the reproductive clinic. He seemed to be a pretty good guy as well. Apparently a pretty big deal back in L.A. but unfortunately I hadn't heard of him.

I guess one of my first real support roles was placed upon me when Jenny asked if I could go with her to an appointment to see Sally (am extremely nice nurse who works at the clinic, who Jenny has a love/hate relationship with). I think she might have been nervous about the ride home. Much to Jenny's dismay this is where the big 'ol box of needles and meds came to life. If you have read the blog to this point, you know what I'm talking about. Needless to say, Jenny was pretty shaken up and I'm glad I was there because I am not sure she would have been able to get home in one piece. I was not allowed to administer any of these shots even though I was trained by sweet Sally. I'm not sure why. I went for the actual implanting of the fertilized eggs. They decided to implant two eggs because of the normal success rate being less than 50%. Little did they know that Jenny's "uterus of steel" was more than ready for the task. I remember the first ultrasound to check if the implantation had been successful. I think I was the only one not surprised that they both "took". If you put two loaves in that particular oven, you're getting two loaves out!

Things were getting exciting and plans were being made. I was having fun teasing the fellas about things to come (these were going to be girls). Doctor appointments were becoming more frequent and I was much more involved by this point. Now came the time when discussions were had about who would be in the delivery room. Jenny's doctor only would allow one other person besides Jenny due to fact that it was to be done in the O.R. in case an emergency c-section was needed. Jenny wanted that person to be me. She was nervous about telling Marc and Micheal this, but I told her they would surely understand. They did, and all the plans were in place.

Delivery Day:

We were off to a good start and it was exciting to see the "Daddies to be" experience labor for the first time. Although it was fairly uneventful, it can be very interesting the first time. I was enjoying my role as the experienced Daddy showing Marc and Micheal all the gadgets and what nots around the room. I tried to explain things to the best of my knowledge. When I was unable, the labor nurse was happy to answer any questions for us. Side note, Best labor nurse we have had to date. One of the best moments during that time for me was when Dr. Lepi did a "cervical check" without warning and caught the Daddies completly off gaurd. I'll never forget thier faces. They looked traumatized.

It was my daughter's idea to do the live Twitter feed during the procedure. Facebook can get overwhelming when you're getting a million notifications for each comment and like. I think it worked out pretty well and it relieved some of the pressure off of the daddies for having to give constant updates. I really had fun doing it. There were over 4880 views of my account during that day. I gained 109 followers. Be proud #bogobabynation.

Delivery started out fairly normal, apart from being in the O.R. I, as the coach, was given the ever so important task of counting to ten. Thats right ten, not eleven, not twelve. When Jenny started to push I counted, 1 one thousand, 2 one thousand, up until 10 one thousand, let Jenny breathe, push and count, rest, and then again. Three times per contraction. When Kate started to came out, the doctor said she was face up. I knew what this meant because our son Drew made the same entry. So it took some extra pushing, but it wasn't too bad. A quick scramble with the ultrasound to make sure Eliza was still head down and Jenny was off to pushing again, and I was counting again. Poor little Eliza was face up as well and really took some doing to make an apperance. While Jenny was doing just fine on her job, I was a wreck. I kept losing my place, getting nervous, and really not earning my keep. When Eliza finally came out, I was relieved. My poor Jenny was exhuasted, but she made it. I will skip the unpleasantries that follow childbirth and just say it wasn't very comfortable for Jenny.

I was very proud to be a part of Marc and Michael's journey into parenthood. I have no doubts that they will be great parents. They'd better or Jenny will be knocking down thier door. I was/am overwhelmed to see all of the positive support for them.

It was wonderful to have your support and to get so many messages about our part of this journey being moving, amazing, etc. I hope that people who were inspired by our story will go out and do something for someone else. It doesn't need to be giving up space in your uterus. It could be much simpler, like helping the elderly, giving to charity, or donating blood. It's a great feeling to see that something you've done has had a positive impact on someone else's life. Peace.

It's time!!!

The moment we've been waiting for has arrived! The babies will be here today at some point in time! I choose to believe that they will be sweethearts and be here by noon, but I could be wrong. :)

The ultrasound today showed that they are both still head down and in position to make their arrival. We are reporting to Labor and Delivery at 6am and then the magic shall begin. Hopefully, we will have a very smooth and uneventful vaginal delivery. The hubby will be doing live Twitter updates. If you would like to follow along, his twitter is @Nockster1. I'll also have him do some facebook updates.

I should be sleeping right now, but I'm a night owl, and how can I sleep anyway?? I'm having twins today! I can't sleep with that swimming around in my mind. Too much excitement, anxiety, etc. I hope the guys are able to get a good nights rest, because it will be the last one they get for a while. ;)

We were gone most of the day at the doctor and hospital with monitoring, ultrasound, blood tests, and all of that fun stuff, so I didn't see a lot of the facebook comments and messages until late tonight. I gotta tell ya - you guys are AMAZING! You are so supportive, so positive, and always put a smile on my face with your wonderful comments. There is no way to convey what that means to me, and to everyone involved in this process. It really means the world! Thank you, thank you, thank you!! It's also nice to have written proof that I'm wonderful, amazing, inspirational, etc. so that when my husband or kids forget - I can show them and say, "See, all of these people think I'm a peach!" ;)

Speaking of my family, I want to say one more huge thank you to my husband and kids for their support. They are my everything, and I love them more than they will ever know. I am so blessed and so grateful every day to have them in my life. They are the people who inspire me and drive me to be the best possible person I can be.

I also want to thank my Mom and Step-Dad and the rest of my extended family and friends as well as Marc and Michael's family and friends for everything they have done for us, and for putting up with me throughout this process. They've dealt with my anxiety attacks, my whining about needles, they've watched my children, brought my family dinner, given thoughtful gifts and messages, and have just been absolutely wonderful to us. I don't know what I'd do without them.

And thank you Marc and Michael for your friendship and love. It's been a wonderful roller coaster ride, and I look forward to watching you as parents and seeing your girls grow up with your love and guidance, to be the caring and incredible people I know they will be.

I can't wait to share the details of the day with everyone tomorrow, and share pictures of the arrival of Kate and Eliza. It will definitely be a day to remember! <3

The countdown has begun!

Today's doctor appointment went very well. Both girls are head down still. Yay!! They are both a little over 5 pounds and very active. Everything looks good for a vaginal delivery next Friday. :) I can't believe it's almost time to meet Kate and Eliza! I'm excited and nervous - which I'm sure is exactly how Marc and Michael are feeling.

This has been a long journey and it feels strange coming to an end. I find myself picturing the events of the weekend - family and friends coming to see the girls, lots of smiles and happy tears, and then coming home to recover with my family, as the girls go home to bond with their Daddy and Papa and start their new lives as a family. I'm often asked if I'm worried that I'll have trouble with this. Will I miss them? Will I feel emotionally attached? Will it be hard to give birth to them and then watch them leave? I've asked myself these questions at various times both before and throughout the pregnancy to do an emotional well-check and see how I'm feeling. I am a baby person. I LOVE babies! Love, love, love! People know this, so they worry that I'll be too attached. I don't know honestly how I'll feel until I see them, but I know that I feel differently about these girls than I did carrying my own children. Of course, I feel a bond with them - they are living and growing inside me, but they are not my children. They did not come from me or my husband. I decided to enter this journey in order to help 2 friends realize their dream as parents, so that has always been my focus. I've always been excited to send them pictures, to call them after appointments, to share ultrasounds with them, to see their excitement at every stage of the pregnancy. It's a whole different situation than the pregnancies I had with my own children, where I'm shopping for little outfits and picking out names, and talking with my family about who they might look like, etc. It's a different kind of excitement. It's kind of like Christmas, I guess. The thing I love about Christmas isn't getting gifts. I love to get gifts, but that isn't what makes it special. I love Christmas because I love to see the smiles on my kids faces when they open just the thing they wanted and their eyes light up. I love to see someone open a gift you got them that you can tell is just perfect. It's such a great feeling to see that joy and to know that you helped create it. I'm looking forward to seeing that look on the faces of two men who I know I've found the perfect gift for! I'm sure I'll cry that day, and for days afterwards looking back on it. I'm sure I'll cry when they leave to go back to Atlanta. I'm sure I'll miss the girls. I'm sure we will always have a special connection. But I don't see myself being sad. I see myself excited for their family, and I know that we will remain connected. I am also so excited to get back to being an active mom and wife. My family has been so understanding and wonderful throughout this process, and I really look forward to spending time with them and getting back to our wondeful crazy life as it was.

I will tell you what I am nervous and scared about. I'm worried about blood clots, emergency c-sections, complications, and anything and everything that could go wrong. Have you seen this little cartoon:

That's me! So, I'm starting to worry about everything. I'm online too much researching problems. I'm trying to organize things so that if anything would happen to me, my husband would know who to contact about life insurance, and making sure that he and my kids know that I love them more than anything in the world. Yes, I get that anxious. I am trying to work in a little meditation, have talks with myself about being rational, etc. and I'm maintaining balance for now, but I wish I didn't stress so much about things that are out of my control. 

I'm a little stressed too because even though we are set up for a vaginal delivery, it will take place in an OR, just in case an emergency c-section is required. So, that means only one person in the room with me. First of all, that stinks for the guys because I want them both to be in the room when the girls are born. Also, it stinks for me because I want my husband to be there to hold my hand and support me through labor and delivery. It's going to be painful and emotional, and he's good at getting me through that. I'm not looking forward to doing that without him beside me. So, I'm trying to make peace with that, and accept it before next week. 

If you'd like to send your positive thoughts or prayers our way for a healthy and happy delivery, with no complications, and a happily ever after kind of experience, that would be awesome! 

One more update next Thursday before the big day, and then the blog will be filled with more cute baby pictures than you can stand! 

Mission Impossible

The important update info:

The monitoring went well at the hospital today. Heartbeats are strong, and the girls are both very active. Ultrasound showed that they are both head down still, and growing perfectly. :)

This next section of the blog may be TMI for many people - so beware, you may read about things you don't wish to know about if you proceed. I want to give an accurate description of this experience though, so I'm sharing it all:

My OB appointments every week now include a vaginal exam to check the cervix and see if there is any dilation. So, as we ladies know - this means you get naked from the waist down and sit on a roll of paper on the exam table with a big paper towel across your lap, waiting for the doctor to come in. Now, if the doctor is pretty quick getting into the room, no problems, but....if the doctor takes a while, many issues can occur. If there is a camera in that room, let me tell you - the people watching that feed are laughing hysterically each time I'm in there waiting for very long. It starts out fine for a couple of minutes, but then my feet dangling off the end of the exam table start to bother me. My calves and feet are both pretty swollen now, and dangling doesn't help - so I have to pull out that little shelf thing at the end of the table to put my feet up on. Now I'm sitting straight up with my legs in front of me. This is ok for a minute or two, then it's very uncomfortable. So, I decide I need to lay back. Well, the table is flat, so my boobs and gravity pair up and start to keep me from breathing freely and I need to bring the back of the table up a little so I'm laying at an incline. In order to do this, I'm going to need to get off the table and use the little footpedal thing to incline the table. This is a gamble because the doctor could walk in at any minute, and if he does while I'm working the footpedal thing, then my ass is in full view. I decide it's worth risking and I'll hurry. So, I get off the table, but now- stuck to my behind- is the paper I was sitting on, that is now tearing as I get down. So now I have to quickly throw away that paper, pull a new piece down the table from the top, get the footpedal thing fixed to incline the table, and jump back up there. Whew! I made it.
Then, sitting in my purse in the chair across the room, I hear my phone beep- I have a text. I forgot to silence it, which I'm concerned about because that's going to be embarrasing if it rings during my exam, and now I'm a little worried that I need to check the text because it could be one of my kids (anxiety issues). I think to myself, it can wait. Then 5 minutes go by and it beeps again. Another text. Now my anxiety is getting the best of me, and I'm gonna have to make a run for it, hoping that the doctor doesn't come in as I streak across the room. So, I jump down, and guess what happened again? Right...the paper! So, I fix the paper..again. Get my phone and check it quickly, silence it, and get back up on the table. If Caren, Cathy, and Jami (who work at the office) are reading this, I'm sure if there isn't a camera already installed, you are going to get one installed now. ;) Anyway, doc finally arrived, and we are in business. What we women go through...men have no idea!

The mission impossible is this: I have developed hemorrhoids that are pretty bad. I know, you don't want to know this, but I warned you up above. It's part of the experience, so you get to hear about it. Doc tells me that I need to "watch" them to see if they get worse or change in color because they might thrombos, which could cause a blood clot, so it would need to be lanced. This all sounds quite terrible, and I'm hoping that it shrinks and goes away with the meds he gave me to try, but what I find amusing is the fact that I'm to "watch" this for changes. I can't see anything past my stomach! I certainly cannot see that area of my body. I came home and tried using a mirror to check it out. Ummmm, not successful. So...looks like I'm going to have to depend on my loving husband to help with this awful task. How embarassing! Ugh. Oh...the joys of twin pregnancy.

Let's hope next week's visit is much less eventful. :) Two more weeks people, two weeks!!